I'm sad can't ya tell?

I know I can't say I'm extremely happy with my life at the moment, because I'm not..my best friend/soul mate is 5 hours away from home from his family, and it's been almost a month since Payton and I've seen him. Payton started walking today. As happy as I am to be able to see that and experience his first steps, I still am followed by being depressed because his father couldn't see it. I've learned to not take anything for granted..and when he gets to come home I definitely won't take for granted being able to see him every night. My life has been in a downwards position and the loneliness and depression is driving me insane.. and as much as Payton lifts my spirits in so many ways, I still have no one to "talk" to about it.I've always been the type of person that never let my feelings or emotions show, I've always kept everything inside and to myself, telling myself "it's okay" knowing deep down its not and I'm not. I know life comes with its struggles and I know God would never give me anything I couldn't handle, but this comes close to being anything hard to handle..and what makes it even harder, is the way payton carry's his picture around kissing it, or when the phone rings he automatically puts his hand over his ear an says "hi dada" ...I don't know how I'll make it until the first of the year! I guess I'm just trying to get it out there not to take anything or anyone for granted, Marc holds the most special place and love in my heart and I worry sick about him each and every day. He's doing a dangerous job. And all I ask is that everyone keep him in your prayers. The holidays are coming up and Payton and I need him home!